Archive for September 2011

Same faces atop the WCHL

Sharks GM Kurt Flumore puts on his game face to cheer his team on during their 16-game winning streak earlier this season.

While there has been significant overhaul in the ranks of the WCHL, bringing with it some increased activity in a number of cities, change takes time. At least change that will result in seeing a few of the lower ranked teams move up the conference ladders.

As we are nearly 40 per cent of the way through the season, the elite are once again separating themselves from the pack, and it's some familiar faces near the top of the leader board.

In the Western Conference, the San Jose Sharks, fueled by a 16-game winning streak, reside as the top team in the league. Not a big shock considering the Sharks illustrious history.

"We are just (expletive deleted) awesome," said GM Kurt Fulmore, lying on a massage table getting worked over by a male Swedish masseuse named Thor.

Fulmore went on to explain that that 16-game run was no fluke, and he expects his team to do that again in the future.

"We will (expletive deleted) kick all those (expletive deleted) back to their holes," said Fulmore, seemingly oblivious to the 6'6 male masseuse who was struggling to keep his mini-skirt from riding up and revealing his Swedish meatballs to everyone in the room. "All you (expletive deleted) are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the (expletive deleted)-lickers. We're gonna (expletive deleted) your mothers while you watch and cry like little (expletive deleted). Once we get to your arena and find those (expletive deleted) who are playing on that team, we're gonna make 'em eat our (expletive deleted), then (expletive deleted) out our (expletive deleted), then eat their (expletive deleted) which is made up of our (expletive deleted) that we made 'em eat. Then you're all you (expletive deleted) are next. Love, Kurt and the Sharks."

The Sharks are followed closely by the Colorado Avalanche once again, and GM Ryan McClanahan isn't quite as bold as the Sharks.

"Who gives a flying squirrel's right testicle where we are in the standings at this moment," said McClanahan when asked if he was happy with his teams 23-5-4 record thus far. "We haven't won (expletive deleted) yet. Every year, we win in the regular season and then (expletive deleted) the bed in the playoffs. I want to win in the playoffs, cal me when we are winning in the playoffs mother (expletive deleted).

In the Eastern Conference, the scene is also familiar, as the defending WCHL Cup champion Pittsburgh Penguins are riding on top with a 25-8 record, including a league high 24 wins in regulation.

"This is better than sex," said GM Patrick Matthews. "Well, not really, but it's up there, so you get my drift."

Matthews' club is lead by the ageless wonder Teemu Selanne, who has 37 points in 33 games, despite being old enough to be teammate Patrick Kane's dad.

"The dude is a freak," said Matthews, referring to Selanne. "Not just in the sack either."

Matthews later retracted the statement, complaining of the effects of "heat stroke." When Matthews was told heat stroke is not a sexual term, Matthews declined further comment and abruptly ended the interview.

One change from past years sees the Montreal Canadians as having the second best winning percentage in the Eastern Conference, thanks largely to the current eight game winning streak the club is on. The club also has a point in 10 straight games and overall is 12-1-1 in their last 14 games.

"Vive le Habitants," proclaimed GM Marco Castillo.

"We are ready to be the most dominate force in the league once more," added Castillo, speaking in a fake French accent that sounded almost strangely Chinese. "We will be more addictive than poutine, more aggressive than a French man after a hot tourist and more annoying than a referendum."

How the rest of the season plays out will be interesting, but all four of the top teams in the WCHL as of this point certainly have their swagger on. Who will be able to back it up come the post-season will be the true test, however.

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