30 Teams in 30 Stories

Hurricane Mike
 
Paul Maurice Coach Paul Maurice of the Carolina Hurricanes huddles with his team during the closing seconds of the third period against the Ottawa Senators at the RBC Center on March 25, 2009 in Raleigh, North Carolina. Carolina won 2-1. (Photo by Grant Halverson/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Paul Maurice
 
"Jarrett Sto.. I mean Darren Hel... I mean Peter Muell... AHHHHH! WHOEVER YOU ARE, PLAY CENTRE!!" Screams a frustrated Hurricanes coaching staff.

After a few seasons of seemingly forging ahead, the Carolina Hurricanes once again find themselves on the outside looking in as the season winds its way towards the midway point.

Pressing hard, as always, on the trade front, Hurricanes General Manager Mike 'The Cornrow Kid' McFarland has seen no fewer than 360 trades get completed since the start of training camp, at times even electing to trade for players he just lost on waivers a week earlier.
 

 
Mike 'The Cornrow Kid' McFarland addresses the media after one of his 36 trades this season. On average, McFarland is doing more than one trade per game.

On that note, welcome back to Carolina for the 14th time, Jon Matsumoto.
 
Jon Matsumoto - Carolina Hurricanes v Philadelphia Flyers
Jon Matsumoto hasn't sold his house in Carolina. He knows that whether he leaves or not, he'll be back in Carolina again before the end of the month anyways.

An ongoing game of musical chairs has seemingly only left the Hurricanes as the odd team left standing after the music has stopped. The Hurricanes are already sitting 12th in the Eastern Conference, 10 points behind the eighth seeded Pittsburgh Penguins.

"I just haven't traded enough," said a distressed McFarland. "There's clearly someone on this team who hasn't been traded at least four times yet. Or maybe I need to get Jonathon Cheechoo back again for the ninth time."
 
When informed he actually already has Cheechoo on his farm team, McFarland immediately dialed up several General Managers and offered him in trade. He later explained that trading and then reaquiring Cheechoo would be "good for my hockey karma."
 
What that meant wasn't explained.
 
Mike Fisher, Andrew Cogliano and Matsumoto have all played for Carolina two different times this season alone, and several other teammates have played for the Hurricanes in the past as well in different stints as well. Expect more deals for former Canes to continue.
 
"I just love them all," said McFarland. "I get so attached, like how I used to love my Pound Puppies collection as a kid. Same with Strawberry Shortcake. She was the best. I still have a picture of her in my wallet. To bad she ran away from home when I was 17. My parents told me she joined the circus."
 

After all these years, there's still something addictive about Strawberry Shortcake for McFarland.
 
So addicted to his players McFarland is, that when he was unable to hold onto Jarrett Stoll this off-season, he immediately traded for Jared Staal, due to the names being similar.
 
"Hearing his name helps me sleep at night," said McFarland.
 
Hearing the name of Matt Duchene might give McFarland nightmares though. After completing a massive early season deal to land the former second overall pick from the 2009 WCHL Entry Draft, Duchene has been nothing short of a flop in Carolina, managing just two goals and six points in 28 games.
 
"I suck. I suck balls," said Duchene of his contributions. "I'm better than this. I'm a freaking hockey goliath. I should own these mother(expletative deleted). They are the ones who are the ball lickers. Yet I can't seem to get going."
 

Matt Duchene really needs to step it up soon for Carolina.
 
Indeed. Without Duchene playing like a legitimate top line forward, the Hurricanes are likely to go nowhere.
 
At least they have a younger team in place, with 12 players on the pro roster aged 25 or younger. Only the aforementioned Fisher is older than 29.
 
That's a really good thing actually, as McFarland has once again purgued himself of all draft picks, posessing only one measely fifth round draft pick in the next five drafts. As per usual, McFarland prefers to avoid anyone who may not be 18 at the time he meets them. Rumours have it this stems from issues at Snakland, a place of employment prior to assuming the title of Hurricanes GM.
 
For now, McFarland could care less about draft picks. In between a weekly home screening of Blue Crush and Crossroads, two movie staples for the Canes GM, he was seen working the phones to move that last draft for a forward, preferably one who has played in Carolina at least two different times before. Not surprisingly, that doesn't narrow the search down much so it's hard to say who McFarland might be targetting.
 
Needless to say, things will move in Carolina, they always do. Likely by the time this article goes to print, one of the above mentioned players will have ben dealt -and possibly re-acquired- by the Hurricanes. That's just daily life in Carolina, and the league wouldn't have it any other way, nor would it be the same without it.

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1 Response to 30 Teams in 30 Stories

  1. Hahaha, Cornrow Kid. I love it. Hahaha.

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