Plenty of puckster puckering up
It's Valentine's Day today and despite what some may think, the league filled with some of the manliest men in the world does indeed have a soft side for those they love.
"I'm going to get him, ah, shit, um, yeah I meant her, I'm going to get her some chocolates, and roses, and tickets to the opera," said Winnipeg Jets General Manager Darren Mathieu of his plans on what some dub the most romantic day of the year.
Others started early, as two St. Louis Blues players were caught sharing their feeling on the bench during game action earlier this week.
(Left) Marian Gaborik and Tomas Kopecky, friends with benefits? (Right) Ville Leino kisses Mikhail Grabovski after the two combined for a goal
Is all this man love normal? According to the Toronto Maple Leafs Drew Doughty, it' shockingly normal, at least in Toronto.
"Like totally," said Doughty. "It's just a great bonding experience, nothing can replace it. It's totally awesome, OMG. Seriously, you have to try it, it's like candy. Is that why they call gay guys fudge packers?"
The Maple Leafs in fact were the first time in the history of life to announce they were drafting only gay players. Their farm club has adopted the unofficial name "Toronto Love Tunnelers" and each time a player scores, he is serenaded with a chorus of "Hey, big fella," from the crowd. The team has even gone as far as to hold a leather and whips night, with anyone wearing assless pants getting in free.
The Toronto "Love Tunnelers" gather for a team photo following a 6-1 loss.
It's not always this easy to express your love for a hockey player on St. Valentine's Day.
"Sometimes you got to be a bit secret about it," admitted Habs GM Marco Castillo. "I mean, you an't just go out and French kiss a guy at centre ice. One time, this guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew me needed some help. He was all in love with one of former players Clarke MacArthur, like big time crush. It was really sickening, ball gags and ass beads. Really messed up stuff. So we traded Clarke to Philadelphia where this guy lives. You know Philadelphia, city of brotherly love and all. I figured if anyone knew who to settle some man-lovin, it'd be Doug Van Strepen in Philly."
Van Strepen celcined comment on the issue, and MacArthur is no longer with the team. Van Strepen did say that "ass play" isn't tolerated in the locker room though.
"We play like ass most of the time anyways, they want to get into the hanky-panky, they can do it on their own time," said Van Strepen.
The rumours of man-love aren't limited to the liberal east either. Out in Calgary, the Flames are quietly being nicknamed the 'Flamers" after a series of rumours came out about nude wrestling during practice.
"We were practicing fighting technique, that's all," said Lawson Cham, Flames GM. "Doing it nude is normal, that's what my peewee coach taught me."
Artists rendition of a fight in Calgary
"Only steers and queers come from Calgary, and none of those hockey players have horns so that kind of narrows it down," said the San Jose Sharks Zdeno Chara. "I bet they could suck a golf ball through a garden hose," he added, stealing a line from Full Metal Jacket.
However Valentine's Day is celebrated around the WCHL, the man love is sure to keep going well beyond that. And that's ok to the league brass.
"I don't give a crap, really," said New York Rangers GM and Player Agent Andrew Don. "Those mofos can do whatever they want, just don't come callin around this baller. My poop chute is a one way street yo, I ain't never going to be into that shiznit. For real, dog."
It's Valentine's Day today and despite what some may think, the league filled with some of the manliest men in the world does indeed have a soft side for those they love.
"I'm going to get him, ah, shit, um, yeah I meant her, I'm going to get her some chocolates, and roses, and tickets to the opera," said Winnipeg Jets General Manager Darren Mathieu of his plans on what some dub the most romantic day of the year.
Others started early, as two St. Louis Blues players were caught sharing their feeling on the bench during game action earlier this week.
(Left) Marian Gaborik and Tomas Kopecky, friends with benefits? (Right) Ville Leino kisses Mikhail Grabovski after the two combined for a goal
Is all this man love normal? According to the Toronto Maple Leafs Drew Doughty, it' shockingly normal, at least in Toronto.
"Like totally," said Doughty. "It's just a great bonding experience, nothing can replace it. It's totally awesome, OMG. Seriously, you have to try it, it's like candy. Is that why they call gay guys fudge packers?"
The Maple Leafs in fact were the first time in the history of life to announce they were drafting only gay players. Their farm club has adopted the unofficial name "Toronto Love Tunnelers" and each time a player scores, he is serenaded with a chorus of "Hey, big fella," from the crowd. The team has even gone as far as to hold a leather and whips night, with anyone wearing assless pants getting in free.
The Toronto "Love Tunnelers" gather for a team photo following a 6-1 loss.
It's not always this easy to express your love for a hockey player on St. Valentine's Day.
"Sometimes you got to be a bit secret about it," admitted Habs GM Marco Castillo. "I mean, you an't just go out and French kiss a guy at centre ice. One time, this guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew me needed some help. He was all in love with one of former players Clarke MacArthur, like big time crush. It was really sickening, ball gags and ass beads. Really messed up stuff. So we traded Clarke to Philadelphia where this guy lives. You know Philadelphia, city of brotherly love and all. I figured if anyone knew who to settle some man-lovin, it'd be Doug Van Strepen in Philly."
Van Strepen celcined comment on the issue, and MacArthur is no longer with the team. Van Strepen did say that "ass play" isn't tolerated in the locker room though.
"We play like ass most of the time anyways, they want to get into the hanky-panky, they can do it on their own time," said Van Strepen.
The rumours of man-love aren't limited to the liberal east either. Out in Calgary, the Flames are quietly being nicknamed the 'Flamers" after a series of rumours came out about nude wrestling during practice.
"We were practicing fighting technique, that's all," said Lawson Cham, Flames GM. "Doing it nude is normal, that's what my peewee coach taught me."
Artists rendition of a fight in Calgary
"Only steers and queers come from Calgary, and none of those hockey players have horns so that kind of narrows it down," said the San Jose Sharks Zdeno Chara. "I bet they could suck a golf ball through a garden hose," he added, stealing a line from Full Metal Jacket.
However Valentine's Day is celebrated around the WCHL, the man love is sure to keep going well beyond that. And that's ok to the league brass.
"I don't give a crap, really," said New York Rangers GM and Player Agent Andrew Don. "Those mofos can do whatever they want, just don't come callin around this baller. My poop chute is a one way street yo, I ain't never going to be into that shiznit. For real, dog."
HAHA, nice quote by Chara. And when the hell did Andrew start talking like Mike McFarland????